Think Positive…?
Positive thinking, all you need is positive thinking!! I’ve heard people say this to me so many times. They are right, Right?
Of course we have all had those mornings cursing the alarm clock for not ringing or maybe we just woke up on the ‘wrong’ side of the bed. But thinking about that friend who always seems so positive — we smile, take a deep breath and think of something that makes us happy.
Sure, it makes sense to take strides toward positivity and I encourage you to actively be grateful and find something good in this world, because it does help.
But, do we sometimes use positive thinking for something else…I mean have you ever been in a situation when you felt so upset and broken that you thought that you would never survive the pain inside you. And then somebody suggested you to “just be positive”. But did you? I know I did — I forced myself but what happened was that the next time I had similar feelings; all of those unresolved emotions from my previous experience would show up again.
Can it be possible that positive thinking leads to avoided feelings, which hinders us to experience uncomfortable emotions? Is feeling said, upset or hurt something that we should avoid at all cost?
Let’s face it, life is full of ups and downs…there is sadness and pain, but there is also happiness and joy…We need the full spectrum of emotions because without one, we could not appreciate the other. When you are still in pain — do you feel like if one more person comes along and tells you to focus on the positive, you are going to snap? I do! Please, just let me have my moment of feeling my pain! Let me learn that it is okay to feel sad, angry and upset…or whatever threatening uncomfortable feelings that are coming up. I am not saying that you need to dwell on it! What I mean is that it is possible to allow yourself feel what you are feeling in the moment, good or bad, in without spiralling into that emotion, in order to move on and feel things like joy and happiness. We are conditioned to be afraid of feelings that are negative, but most of the time these emotions help us to learn and grow — they can even act as motivators for change.
Sometimes it takes time, sometimes long, sometimes short. It is not a clear-cut journey toward holding space for emotions, and that is okay! I am still learning that is okay. I don’t have to feel guilty for taking time to feel sad, or angry, or frustrated. It’s okay to not having positive thoughts popping up immediately after some negative feelings. There are many ways in which we can learn to be ok with where we are at, and learn to notice our emotions and what surrounds them. For example, writing a self-care list of things that are comforting can help in those moments of strong negative emotions. Keeping a journal and writing during times of stress or anxiety can even allow you to identify what triggers these emotions and how can you can better comfort yourself in the moment. It is not about preventing negativity or avoiding it, it is about how you view these feelings and whether you can allow them to just pass through you.
Are you done living your life being afraid of the next negative thing that might comes your way?
Get in touch with us! We are here to help you make that list and change that dialogue you have with yourself.
Copyright reserved; Heemang Emotional Wellness author: Krisztina Marshall
